We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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