If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
