the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
