Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
