Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
