Please, let me fuck your mom
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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