After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
