He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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