I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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