She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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