Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
