bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I came so hard my ears popped.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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