i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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