not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
