Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
