I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
