So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
