He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
