Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
