and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
