i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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