Non-Jews are for practice
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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