A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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