Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
