I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
