I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
