i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
