I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
