I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
