The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
