im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
