Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
