I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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