i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
