I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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