she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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