Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
