No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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