if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
