Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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