More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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