My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
