Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
