Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
