I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
