Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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