so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
