The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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