yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
