Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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