We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
