I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
