Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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